Thursday, September 6, 2012

Eww, What's That Smell? Smells Like Victory.

I thought about you yesterday.  I had no intention of doing so and certainly wasn't happy that I had to remember you, but nonetheless I did.  A dear friend who knew all you'd done to me, her, and others during and after our "marriage" told me that you were engaged to an old friend of hers.  She said it'd been years since she'd seen her, but she had always been a very sweet girl.

I was a sweet girl who was in such a depressive funk that it was simply too easy pickings for you to take advantage of me and all I had to offer.  I let my hate of you go quite some time ago; it was doing nothing but giving you the power you've always sought and never managed to grasp in any real sense.  You were abusive in every way except physically (had you a pair big enough to try and hit me, I'd have been gone far sooner) and now you have this poor girl wrapped up in your worthless life.  Because, let's face it, someone with barely a high school diploma, years of security guard work, and who dumps his kids off on his mother to raise them, is hardly someone to rely on in your old age.  I would be willing to hazard a guess that this new girl is the primary breadwinner (as I was) and more than a little naive and/or damaged.

Mr. T said it best.  "I pity the fool."  Because fool she is, as I was, if she thinks anything good can ever come from a person who makes it their mission in life to actively create misery for others.  And there are MANY others whom to this day would just assume turn away if you happened to get your shoelace stuck in railroad tracks and an oncoming train ten feet away.  Most of them would probably just stand and watch with a smile as the blood splattered.

Early on I thought I could be the good in your life that you claimed to need.  I couldn't do anything for you the, and even if I wanted to I certainly can't now.  All I can do is be thankful I got away before you killed me with misery and  went on to lead a life that others envy.  I have truly loyal friends who love me and supported me in times of need.  I have a wonderful man who has laid his life on the line for me and continues to work hard every day so that we can live in comfort and happiness.  I know without a doubt that he would sooner stab himself in the toe with an icepick than see me unhappy.  He helps me without complaint, weathers my occasional hormonal mood swings, and gives me as much unconditional love as I can handle.

I suppose that all there is left to say is thank you.  Had it not been for your horribleness, I would not be as appreciative of what is truly good and worthwhile.  I know that when one day I meet my end I will have things to answer for, as any human being does.  But it is nothing compared to the hell you have created for yourself, and for that I pity you.

I love you Michael Soden.  Thank you for being my better half and rainbow at the end of the storm.